Always the Groomsman, Never the Groom: Confessions from a Consistently Single Man

I’ve never dated. No, never. I’ve had my opportunities but have always turned them down. I’ve had this pact with God from a young age. At thirteen, I had this strange sense that I wasn’t meant to date around, but I was meant to get a lot of my life in order before ‘looking around’. Safe to say, that my life still isn’t in order.

Confession#1: It’s been SO hard

It’s been so hard. Seeing my friends date, get engaged, get married. I’ve been a best man, an officiant (yes, in Morocco?!) and a groomsman a few times. I’m about to go kilt shopping to get ready for a wedding in Scotland, where I have the honour of being a groomsman again! I’m so stoked for all my friends, all my brothers who I’ve had the honour of standing alongside as they’ve looked into the eyes of their bride. Later, when the champagne is popped, and the dance floor floods with feet to the tune of ‘Come on Eileen’, I think that when it’s time for the couple’s dance, I will end up dancing with a friend…again.

Then, there’s the company and support element. Naturally, there’s something in me that wants to fight for a bride, to help build her dreams, to love and lay down my life as Christ laid down his life for the church.

Man, it’s been a long wait.

Confession#2: It hasn’t gotten easier, but my peace has grown.

The older I get, the harder the wait seems. Yet, my sense of peace only grows. The right place to be is the centre of God’s will. I’d rather have the right partner than anyone. I learnt that lesson early.

I remember being eighteen at a Christian camp and thinking, ‘God, I’ve waited enough, I’m just going to ask a girl out and go on a date, maybe get a girlfriend.’

So, I did. I genuinely asked the next girl I saw in the queue.

Strangely, she said yes to this stranger.

Even more strangely, she then found my female friends in the girl’s bathroom and threatened to kill them if they didn’t stay away from me.

I did one of the worst things I had ever done, after hearing that news.

I stood her up. I’ve since repented, but I’ve since learned that a quick yes isn’t necessarily a ‘good’ yes.

Confession#3: I don’t have any regrets

I’ve lived a crazy life. I’ve verged on homelessness in Vancouver and seen God come through. I’ve lived in four countries. I’ve written a book. I’ve shared God’s love with people from many nations. I’ve gotten to start a business that sells university merchandise.

Last night, I ended up on a bus where a queue of university students dressed as a line of Shreks (again, yes) deliberately sat down next to me and asked me about my life. They quickly learnt I ran a merch brand, and turns out they were looking for brand new merch. I shook their green hands and exchanged numbers. Here’s hoping I get the contract.

Marriage is a huge blessing, but I’m grateful that I’m single right now.

I remember avoiding nearly getting stabbed in Toronto.

I remember the screaming man in the bunk above me in the hostel, the day before.

I remember officiating a wedding in Morocco.

I remember moving to Dubai, to England, to Canada.

I remember all of the tears, fears and scars and I think- wow, I’m glad I didn’t bring a wife into this glorious mess! I want to be in a place where I can bless someone and right now, I’m in a season of storming, not norming and that’s okay.

I remember that I am not just looking for a bride, but part of Christ’s bride. The ultimate love is already mine. I have no doubt that one day I will get to serve and fight and love a daughter of God.

I can’t wait for that day.

But there’s no point waiting around, I’m preparing.

I’d rather become the ‘one’ than search around before I’m ready! It’ll be a joy to bring these odd memories to my wedding day. All the places I’ve travelled, the deep, heartache moments with God, all the feasting and the fasting!

Those places, those experiences will only add a deeper richness to my wife’s life.

I’m glad I get to bring an older, more mature Roshan to the altar, whenever that happens.

God knows she’ll need it…

And on that day, the friends I’ve played groomsmen to, will get to see how it feels in my shoes, standing alongside me.

And can I add, those shoes have been places!