Does cancel culture really have a place in society? Or does blind worship blind people’s perspective?
So, you guessed it. We’re here to talk about the celebrity drama and gender debates that have been unfolding in Hollywood over the past couple of months. How could we not talk about it? It’s so messy, controversial, devastating, and outrageous. But our approach to it might shock you.
Unless you’ve been living under a (lack-of-social-media) rock, you’re aware to some degree of the recent shenanigans surrounding Will Smith’s tumultuous marriage and Johnny Depp’s nightmare journey with abuse. I’d use the words ‘alleged abuse’ as most journalists would say, to veer on the side of caution, but fortunately for his case, Amber Heard very unwisely testified to her abuse in a recording that was made available to the public in a trial. A trial that can only be likened to a soap opera.
But it isn't a soap opera. It isn’t fiction. It’s a highly publicized and dramatized trial depicting real issues, real experiences, and potentially, real abuse claims of deep violence of every kind.
So in this article we are going to look at these two celebrity marriages. We will explore Intimate Partner Violence, toxic femininity, cancel culture, double standards, and finally draw conclusions on ways forward to further the cause for gender equality and empowerment.
Let's look at good ol’ Captain Jack Sparrow first.
JOHNNY DEPP: ‘I AM A VICTIM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE'
Many have made unhelpful TikTok videos casting mockery of the actress’ alleged abuse claims. I have seen many of them. I can hardly scroll through at least 5 videos on my For You Page without seeing yet another TikTok video about the trial from many people who have already decided on a verdict: #JusticeForJohnny. Even though these people know little to nothing about the ex-couple’s actual goings-on in their marriage. It's shocking how people have been so quick to take a side and claim to know the truth, villainising Heard the moment the trial went live.
And although the trial continues, and a lot can be said about Amber Heard’s suspicious behavior and questionable choices, I, for one, take someone’s claim about being a domestic violence victim very seriously. Perhaps this comes from the inner desire to believe that someone would never dare to lie about abuse and defame a person’s character so publicly and awfully. Although I will agree that’s a naive rose-coloured ignorance of the cruelty that really exists in the world.
I just find it extremely devastating how cancel culture erupts with such brutality.
First it was Johnny Depp being canceled for being a “wife beater” then it was Amber Heard being canceled for being a “husband beater”. I will not speak to what happened between the two of them, or take sides, although my gut tells me both sides have engaged in some level of abuse - mentally or physically, and this gut feeling is based on factors such as alcohol abuse, derogatory language I’ve seen and just an ability to read a person. But again, I cannot and do not claim to know who’s in the right here.
So these are my two cents on the case. You may be irritated by my neutrality on the subject or how I wait for a judge to make a verdict before making up my own mind. But I don’t think teasing and mockery should ever be done at the expense of someone’s claim of abuse. The only thing that does is scare other actual victims away from speaking out against a high-profile celebrity in the future.
How can we, as a so-called 'progressive' 'feminist' generation trash, mock, and bully an alleged survivor of domestic violence? If Amber Heard is telling the truth, then we haven't done our part as an empathetic public in supporting her and making her feel empowered. We're just scaring her and people like her away. We've done something terribly wrong.
WILL SMITH AND JADA PINKETT SMITH: THE SLAP THAT UNRAVELED A TANGLED WEB OF A MESSY MARRIAGE
Another similar situation, although arguably not quite so messy and tainted with claims of abuse and alcoholism. If you’re not all caught up with the drama between these two, you can find a play-by-play here
This is another one of the many celebrities’ marriages that people seem to have a lot of opinions about. And here are the most common ones I have heard and why I think they’re so ridiculous:
Common opinion #1 - Jada is a wife who is bringing Will down.
I saw one of my friends post about both Jada and Amber Heard, saying “This is why men should find a good wife.” And I was like, hang on, 1) You don’t know their marriage. And if a man lets a woman bring him down, then that's a ‘him’ problem, as much as it is a ‘her’ problem. Self-worth and character, when strong and solid enough, cannot be ruined by a woman, or any person. 2) You don’t know that she’s bringing him down. He’s been married to her for this long, and I’m sure he’s an intelligent, individualistic person who can speak out against toxic behavior. She’s also a mother to two of his children, and has done a good enough job raising talented young adults, none of whom have spoken out much about her bad parenting or manipulative treatment of Will, despite one incident that her daughter Willow Smith talked about which could happen in any family.
So, please explain, where is the proof that she is ruining Will? At the very least, she’s a good mother which is what a partner needs. Not that I’m defending Jada, but I can’t speak to a person bringing someone else down, when I don’t know the real story - all I know is what they want the public to know. Let's not be so quick to judge her, maybe?
Common opinion #2 - Will should leave her.
What happened to marriage being ‘for life’ and not getting out every time there’s an issue? Even if Jada is “toxic” (although I have no idea whether she really is because I’m not a third party to their marriage), can’t all of us be toxic in our own way? Don’t we all have patterns that are destructive to other people? Gaslighting, victim-blaming, playing ‘the victim’, lying, being selfish and manipulative - I think we all are and can be capable of toxic behavior. Should all of us be canceled for this?
Isn’t it better to work it out in therapy rather than walk out on your promise and vows ‘for better or for worse? I am in no way excusing toxic behavior, minimizing it if it happened to Will, or saying that it’s okay. I’m asking who are we if we can’t have grace for people’s shortcomings? Are we really that open-minded? Or are we all just claiming to be a judge, once again, on something we know very little about? The answer to problems in a marriage isn't always divorce. In some cases, it can and should be, but in many cases, when you've vowed to commit a lifetime with a person, regardless of their faults that commitment should be honored.
And also, once again, why are we so quick to blame Jada? How do we know that Will is completely innocent of their problems? Marriage is 50-50 and there is hardly ever a point where one person will be the cause of all the toxicity, so who's questioning Will here? Or are we so passionate about getting behind the cause to stop toxic femininity that we're blaming women, without the facts?
In closing
If you thought this article was simply a commentary on celebrity gossip, you’d be only partially right. But what impresses me more than the headlines on two separate but parallel celebrity marriages, is how the world is moving quickly in the right direction towards empowerment in the light of toxic femininity.
But what does toxic femininity actually mean and how does it play out? “Toxic femininity is when women use their gender to obtain certain privileges. It is when noxious, indirect modes of confrontation are masked with gentleness. It is when empathy turns into ethical shortsightedness. Just like toxic masculinity, toxic femininity is the product of a deeply patriarchal society and systems and thus requires greater examination.” (News18.com)
As women, we’ve been empowered for the past few years to speak up. The #MeToo movement speaks to this empowerment and while it’s amazing that women are repeatedly being given the platforms and the voice to speak out on issues like abuse, toxicity, mansplaining, gaslighting, sexism etc., I’ve always wondered ‘What about the men?’
And what Amber Heard and Jada Pinkett Smith have unwittingly done is draw attention to patterns of oppression, abuse, and toxic femininity that men have faced for decades but didn’t speak up about.
The CDC states that “About 1 in 3 men experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime.
Nearly 56% of men who were victims of contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner first experienced these or other forms of violence by that partner before age 25.”
What’s really sad is that some men don’t ever talk about their experiences, because they worry they won’t be taken seriously, or be laughed out of a room. “Your wife hit you? Maybe you should do the dishes from time-to-time”. Abuse is not a joke. Whether mental, physical, or sexual - every form is horrific and should be brought to the light. `
It took these celebrities going through the wringer in their problematic marriages to bring light to very important discussions of male abuse and oppression. Let the men have a say now. Let chivalry work both ways. Give men the platforms to speak out, and not just the celebrities.
Let’s keep having these conversations, we have had our chance as women to recognise sexism and gendered aggressions, let’s take a step back now and support the men in the movement towards empowerment. Because gender empowerment works both ways. No double standards and no excuses.
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