Like most people these days, I spend a lot of my free time decompressing with the entertainment that social media and television offers. I like to kick back after a long day at work with a feel-good TV show or scroll TikTok for hours before going to bed.
I’ve found, however, that when we spend too much time on one thing, it consumes our thoughts and so the risk of drawing unhelpful comparisons with others is a lot higher. For me, it often looks a bit like this - being in awe of a TikToker’s ability to dance, then I realize they’re incredibly beautiful, I admire how they’re much thinner than I am and without realizing it, I’m feeling discontent in the way I am right now.
I’ve always struggled with comparison, always wondered why I wasn’t as good as the next person. My constant ambition and hunger for success have contributed to the self-deprecation I would feel when comparing myself to others.
I would often feel discontent when I see someone more successful than me, I feel that I’m in my mid-twenties and I’m still just a junior Executive whereas other people my age are getting promotions and moving up the career ladder. I sometimes feel disappointed when other people are more responsible, accomplished, and settled than I am.
Another big part of my issues with comparison and low self-esteem have come up because other people have rejected me for who I am, in one disguised way or another. But I’d like to spotlight this incredibly damaging tendency of comparison, and hopefully offer some encouragement that may help you embrace the person God has made you to be.
Let’s dive into the two reasons that comparison can lead to trouble:
1) They can make us feel better than the person we are comparing ourselves to, which leads to pride. Philippians 2:3 says “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit but in humility count others more significant than yourselves”. As Christians, we are called to humble ourselves, not exalt our accomplishments over someone else. As Christians, we need to be incredibly mindful about how comparison can lead to pride.
2) They can make us feel worse than the person we are comparing ourselves to, leading to low self-esteem - still keeping the focus on ourselves.
Isaiah 55:8 says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord." In other words, we don't think like God. He wants us to walk in step with his Spirit. That means we are not to run ahead of him pulling him where we want him to be, nor are we to get behind him pushing him in the direction we want him to go. God is immovable.
There are often times when we may feel like we want to get from point A to point B and skip all the hard steps in between. We want to lose 10 kilos but don't want to do all the painful cardio and high maintenance diets to get there. We want to grow in our spiritual maturity, but find reading our Bible and praying boring sometimes. We want to get good grades but procrastinate in studying…we’ve all been there. And sometimes we may look at how others seem to have it together and we don’t, which can lead to feelings of self-deprecation, self-criticism, and envy of others.
Satan points us to those who have attained the things we hope for, pushing us farther down the road of discontentment.
“Someone else’s journey is not always yours, but that doesn’t mean that your journey isn’t brilliant, beautiful, and full of promise.”
We can often criticize ourselves for not getting there and not being “good enough”. It's important to realize, though, that someone else’s journey is not always yours, but that doesn’t mean that your journey isn’t brilliant, beautiful, and full of promise. Some people get married in their early 20s, for others, it may take longer but they would all agree that it was worth the wait. Some are called to celibacy and singleness - at the end of the day, every calling from God is beautiful. It’s the right call and at the right time that God gives us the desires of our hearts if we align ourselves with him - be it the ‘right guy’ or the dream job.
It can be easy to get frustrated if we focus on what isn’t happening in the present. But if we zoom out and realize that we should be seeing things from a heaven-minded perspective, suddenly the goals that we haven’t reached and our Facebook relationship status don’t mean so much. We have the promise that we will be with Jesus one day when all earthly things will fade away (Matthew 24:35)
I’d like to leave you with four of my top tips for fighting comparison:
1. Rejoice in others accomplishments
Rather than looking at what someone has and wondering why you don’t have it, genuinely rejoice in their success. They are God’s people - they are your brothers and sisters in Christ, thank God for what he has blessed them with, and celebrate what he’s doing in their lives.
Jealousy and envy only take the focus off loving other people and lead instead to more self-centredness.
2. Combat the “Me” Mentality
Comparison is simply selfishness in disguise; it is us looking at others and thinking about ourselves. Paul spends the entire letter to the church at Philippi combating the “me” mentality and imploring them to control their minds. It takes a big dose of humility, but ultimately it is possible to train our thinking so that the first thing that comes to mind is not, “How does that reflect on me?” but it is “How does God see this person?”
3. Exercise gratitude and remember your blessings
I recently wrote a poem and posted it on our Instagram account (@the_daily_deck) about celebrating the little things or the little moments - be it a compliment from a tough boss, that half a kilo you’ve lost, accomplishing 5 things on your to-do list, or whatever it may be. Make habits of gratitude and keep reminding yourself that you’re made in God’s image - you’re a child of God and you carry the powerful ability to change lives, hearts, and nations by the power of the Gospel. You’re already the most blessed person because you have the promise of eternity with Jesus.
Thank God for what he has blessed you with. If you look around I’m sure you’ll find that there are so many things you often take for granted. Count your blessings and practice daily gratitude.
4. Learn Contentment Through Christ’s Sufficiency
Comparison is ugly. It builds other people up to unrealistic highs and brings you down to unrealistic lows. Too often comparison pulls our attention away from what is important, the spiritual, and focuses on the physical or the material. So how can we overcome this daily temptation? With contentment.
Philippians 4:11-13 reads, “Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound…” Just like Paul, we learn contentment through Jesus. Being content stems from an understanding that our sufficiency isn’t in ourselves, but in God.
I want to encourage everyone reading this to earnestly fight against the dangers of comparison. We were made with a specific, unique purpose and plan - in the image of God. Not to be clones of others.
“And we all, with unveiled faces, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:18
References
https://healthychristianhome.com/being-content/
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