From the time I was very young, I always felt like I didn’t have much of a girly bone in my body and for the longest time I saw myself as a “tomboy”. Puberty and stepping out into the work culture caused me to gradually change my fashion sense, but for the longest time I couldn’t even stand shopping (unless it was food shopping). I had zero interest in makeup and felt I had no need for it, I have and always been more of a sneakers girl than a high heels girl. My idea of fun wasn’t elaborate hairstyles, braiding and make up, it was football, sports and high intensity exercises.
Fast-forward to my early teenage years, and I always always fit right in with the guys and not with the girls. I’ve always struggled to build good, healthy, lasting female friendships and yet the friendships I built with guys almost always stuck. Conversation with men was easy. Conversation with women was either one-sided, cautious or difficult. And here I am, in my mid twenties, still not having a solid female friend, apart from my wonderful elder sister.
So the ‘tomboy’ phase never truly left me. I continued on in my adult life, being more interested in my PS4 rather than primping and priming my face. I stayed in on Friday nights reading books and binging Netflix in my sweatpants while other girls my age where getting dressed, putting full faces of makeup and going out. Never bothered to learn how to use my make up brushes, bought skin care products I barely used, and cared very little for beauty and cosmetics except for perfumes. One thing I had to be, was someone who smelled good at all times. And my personal hygiene has always been pretty much impeccable. I may be a tomboy, but I’m no slob.
But as adulthood progressed for me, and my ring finger has been bare for one too many years, I did sometimes wonder in panic whether my tomboy-ness is what scared men away. People often say that men are attracted to feminine energy, that is one thing I seem to have less of, but will happily be one of the boys, drinking beers and yelling at a soccer game. That’s me. And most of the time, I am unapologetic about who I am.
But I’m far from un-feminine, with my emotions I can be even more sensitive than your typical woman. I’m a huge crier, I cry when I’m happy, when I’m sad, when I’m stressed and angry. My mood swings faster than I change my clothes. My nails are always well-kept and groomed. I wear skirts and dresses more than I wear jeans and pants, I just also wear oversized shirts, jackets, sneakers and little to no make-up. I also don’t relate with a lot of girly things, but I do love my chic flicks. But yet I feel less feminine and desirable than other girls because I don’t fit the mould of a typical ideal woman.
This feeling was made worse by comments about the clothes I wear, the make-up I didn’t wear, the fashion I didn’t know about etc. Overt or covert, sexism still exists and reigns in my life day in and day out.
What many people don’t realize, and what I choose not to talk about is the fact that 80% of the time I dress the way I do, because I’m not entirely comfortable with my body. Being both short and curvy, I feel like I want to hide that with bigger shirts and baggier pants. It’s a fault of my own lack of esteem, to be sure, but regardless my insecurity is one of the reasons I dress like a tomboy most of the time. That, and I enjoy being comfortable in what I wear and I don’t think figure-hugging clothes are what makes a woman attractive. As I said in a previous post, the way I dress has nothing to do with what society wants or expects of me. It matters only what makes me feel good in the moment.
A tomboy is a girl who exhibits characteristics or behaviors considered typical of a boy. Common characteristics include wearing masculine clothing and engaging in games and activities that are physical in nature and are considered in some cultures to be unfeminine, or the domain of boys.
And yet with the LGBTQ movement, the idea of women acting or dressing like men meant that more likely than not, this meant she was gay or at least bi. I was neither of the two. I was simply a girl who got along better with guys.
There are so many expectations and normative ideas placed on women. I feel like I don’t even meet half of those ideals, and I’m learning to be okay with that. Men should be allowed to have feminine traits without being attacked, and similarly women should be allowed the same freedoms.
Being a tomboy doesn’t mean I’m less of a woman, it just means that I decide what makes me feminine and when I show my feminine side. I am a curvy woman who doesn’t like to show it off. I’m the type who spends her Saturdays playing muddy football and tackling men who are much larger than her. I’m the kind who does men’s workouts because the women's workouts are just too easy. I’m the kind of woman who can’t cook or keep a house but will ply you with junk food and caffeine up to your nostrils. But I am feminine, nonetheless. I just choose to be different and rewrite the narrative on femininity.
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