As an avid consumer of Netflix, TV, and everything entertainment-related, I’ve got to emphatically declare that I’m tired of the culture of romanticizing male/female friendships. Am I the only one who wants to ship a friendship rather than a relationship?
If you look back on all the shows, (hopefully this won’t be a spoiler for anyone) you’ll start to see an annoying pattern of friends ending up with each other. Let me enlighten you:
Friends:
Ross and Rachel
Monica and Chandler
Rachel and Joey (Gosh no)
One Tree Hill:
I’m freakishly obsessed with this show but seriously…
Peyton and Lucas
Lucas and Brooke
Peyton and Jake (Remember that hot single dad, who she started as “just friends” with?)
Mouth and Gigi
Mouth and Lauren
Gilmore Girls:
Luke and Lorelai
Sookie and Jackson
Rory and Jess
New Girl:
Schmidt and Cece
Nick and Jess
Winston and Ally (I really wanted them to JUST be good friends, especially as they’d specifically established in the beginning that they wouldn’t fall in love, but then they ended up getting married and having 5 children together…they were cute, no doubt, but again they specifically established the boundaries of pure friendship at first)
Coach and Cece (They dated very briefly, though, but STILL)
The writers of New Girl had this annoying tendency to make almost everyone in that house date, kiss, or marry each other at one point or another. In one episode, Schmidt even made a joke about it when Jess said she had feelings for Nick, saying she really needs to meet new people.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine:
Jake and Amy
How I Met Your Mother:
Barney and Robin
Ted and Robin
The Office:
Jim and Pam
Dwight and Angela
While the above-mentioned couples are, hands-down, the most legendary couples in TV history, I’d like to point out why this narrative needs to stop.
There are so many more, but I’ll save you the trouble. The danger that people face while watching this scene play out every single time is they run the risk of romanticizing their existing friendships. They may feel like ‘Maybe he/she is the one’ when, really, they’re just better off as friends and have no romantic chemistry. Not every best friend is masquerading as ‘The One’ while you take years to figure that out, going from relationship to relationship just to end up with your best friend because they’re comfortable and familiar…that’s unrealistic.
In fact, I’d even go so far as to say that it’s lazy storytelling. Perhaps there was a reason that certain friends stayed “just friends” for so many years. There could be so many reasons, like lack of attraction, chemistry, a spark, difference of personalities etc. that makes them work better off as friends rather than as a couple. Because in friendships, certain issues you see in the other person may not seem like a big deal but if they bring that into a relationship it could end up being a deal-breaker. Plus, the idea that you fall in love with your best friend and they’re “The One” (a concept I don’t even really believe in), is absolute bogus. Because, usually, no one shows you what happens if a relationship doesn’t work out - do you lose the friend forever? Do you ruin something that was actually working just fine to begin with?
In TV series, they tend to show a couple breaking up and staying friends which is honestly so unrealistic. I get that TV is not meant to be real, otherwise it would be bland as hell, but how many couples do you know that have had long term relationships, live-in relationships etc. and have continued to be friends as normal, as though nothing has happened? Look at Friends for example. Ross and Rachel were in love and then she got absolutely crushed when Ross cheated on her - how do you realistically continue being friends with someone after that kind of heartbreak?
Or take New Girl as another instance, Nick and Jess were together for about a year and then broke up, but continued to live together in the SAME HOUSE. In real life, people often move out, go into depression and lose purpose, they don’t carry on living in the same space as their ex…they take space, time and distance…and to show people that it’s ok and it works out when you’re friends with your ex is extremely unhealthy. Television needs to stop painting unrealistic, hyper-perfect portrayals of relationships - at least attempt some sort of realism.
“This superly mushy, overly romantic idea of opposite sex friendships being destined for ‘Happily ever after’ is what can often drive beautiful friendships into the ground.”
I know several people who have crossed the friendship line with no going back. They have been absolutely shattered when they lost their close friend, often wishing they’d never spoken about their feelings in the first place. But that’s a story for another time. What I’m saying is, this superly mushy, overly romantic idea of opposite sex friendships being destined for ‘Happily ever after’ is what can often drive beautiful friendships into the ground.
Pop culture should normalize the innocence and awesomeness of opposite-sex friendships. Let’s celebrate them. Let’s not go down the path of thinking every friend of ours is ‘meant to be’, because that can lead down a dangerous path should it not work out. TV likes to tell us that if you’re in love with your best friend, they’ll automatically love you back at some point because of all the history and time spent together, but in reality, most opposite-sex friends are just bro-zoning each other hard. I know I’ve done that time and time again. I don’t fall for my friends. I just treat them like my family. That’s how people keep friends in reality. They often don’t fall in love and live happily ever after with their ‘best friend’. And we need to stop telling people that male/female friendships don’t work, because they absolutely, 100% do. And they are one of the most powerful friendships you can have.
Now that we’ve talked about friend couples, let’s look at what the TV industry has done right in keeping opposite sex friendships purely platonic.
Let’s take a look:
One Tree Hill
Haley and Lucas
Brooke and Nathan (yes they hooked up one time, but they never actually dated, and they remained great friends throughout 9 seasons)
Grey’s Anatomy
Meredith and Alex
George and Meredith
Miranda and Richard
Alex and Arizona
Parks and Recreation:
Leslie and Ron
Mad Men :
Peggy and Don (one of my all-time favorite friendships)
These are just a few friendships that come to the top of my head when I think ‘legendary’, but we need much much more of these. We need to not romanticize every single moment with those of the opposite sex: a long hug doesn’t have to be romantic, late night talks till 2 am don’t need to lead to feelings. Whether you know it or not, TV’s subtle messages of friends ending up together can affect how you see your own friendships - let’s aim to have more friendships without worrying about complicating things. Friendships are pure, beautiful and epic and we need to believe in it’s power.
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