From Chaos to Clarity: My Journey Through Motherhood

As kids, we often played with dolls, feeding them, dressing them, and tucking them in as though we were practicing for something far greater. Maybe it’s instinct, or perhaps it’s something God weaves into us—a desire to nurture, to create a family, to belong to something bigger than ourselves.

That was me. My doll was my baby, and I was her mom. I carried her everywhere, announcing proudly that she was mine. It’s funny how we mimic what we see and somehow prepare ourselves for roles we don’t fully understand. Fast forward to adulthood, and I’ll never forget seeing those two pink lines. The world tilted slightly, as joy and nervous anticipation collided. When I saw my baby girl for the first time on the ultrasound, it felt surreal—a tiny, fluttering life growing inside of me.

And then, the moment she arrived. The first time I held her, those wide, searching eyes locked with mine, and I knew—life would never be the same again. People say, “When a baby is born, a mother is born too.” That moment was exactly that for me: transformative, raw, and beautiful.

Finding Joy and Adjusting to the Unknown

Bringing her home was everything you’d imagine. Family and friends celebrated with us; our home was filled with laughter and gifts for the newest (and tiniest) member of our family. But even amidst the joy, reality started to set in..I’d never cared for a baby before. How do you even know what a newborn needs? Sleep-deprived and overwhelmed, I wondered “What if I don’t get this right?”

The prenatal classes we’d signed up for were canceled last-minute leaving us with no manual and no crash course in “How to Be Parents 101.” And while Dubai offers the luxury of nannies and help, I found myself struggling to feel like I was the one truly caring for my baby. Growing up in a culture where new moms are surrounded by a village—family cooking, cleaning, helping with the baby—I realized how much I longed for that same support. But modern life looks different. Nuclear families and urban living meant it was mostly me, my husband, and a handful of people stepping in when they could.

I had to find my tribe. We leaned on friendships and community to build our village, that could help us navigate this new season. It wasn’t what I imagined, especially with our families being overseas, but it was exactly what we needed.

Rediscovering Myself

What surprised me most was how much motherhood expanded my understanding of identity. It invited me to explore new dimensions of myself, blending who I’ve always been with the unique role of being a mom. Before becoming a mom, I was a confident career woman—leading teams, traveling the world, empowering churches, and creating impact. And suddenly, I found myself in a quieter, more isolated role. Changing diapers and soothing cries didn’t feel like the powerful work I was used to. Was this really me now?

Modern motherhood often feels like a balancing act: Be everything to everyone, excel at work, maintain a perfect home, and don’t ask for help. These unspoken rules, paired with societal judgments, create a pressure that can feel overwhelming.

Yet, here’s the truth: perfection isn’t the goal—growth is. You’re not failing; you’re learning. Motherhood doesn’t require you to get everything right. It invites you to embrace the mess, lean into grace, and grow through the process.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” ~ (2 Corinthians 12:9) 

This scripture encourages me that moms don’t have to have it all figured it out, they don’t have to always have the right parenting techniques, the right work-life balance or the right formula to crack being a mom.

In the early days of figuring out motherhood, Lisa Bevere’s words became a source of strength. “Our identity isn’t tied to the roles we play but in our relationship with God”. I had to remind myself that motherhood isn’t a replacement for our calling; rather it's an addition. When we learn to embrace grace over perfection, it gives us as mothers permission to let go of trying to be the “perfect mom.” Instead of asking “Is this my life now?”, the question I asked myself was “What would it look like to bring my whole self into this role?”

For me, it meant remembering that loved daughters make great mothers. When we partner with God, pressing into our identity as His daughters and leaning into His wisdom in the season we’re in, He meets us there. Motherhood is one part of our life’s journey, not the entire story. I now see motherhood as a role integrating all parts of my identity - my dreams, passions, personality, and unique qualities into this sacred and transformative journey. It’s not about losing myself in the demands of motherhood, it’s about discovering ways to thrive not only as a mother but also as a wife, daughter, sister, friend, revivalist, and leader, all while nurturing my child.

Grace in the Everyday

That realization didn’t mean everything suddenly became easy. Motherhood is still messy, chaotic, and exhausting. But I started to see the beauty in the mess—the late-night feedings, the endless piles of laundry and in the quiet moments of rocking my daughter to sleep.

Rediscovery doesn’t happen all at once; it’s in the small, intentional steps. Like talking, being in nature, journaling, writing songs, singing, taking up leadership and traveling again and giving myself grace as I step back into that world. It’s in these little things that I’ve been reminded of who I am outside of being a mom.

Thoughts for the Journey

Motherhood doesn’t come with a map, and the path looks so different and unique for everyone. Some days it’s overwhelming. On other days, it’s filled with awe. And in between, there’s this space where you’re figuring it out as you go.

If I’ve learned anything, it’s this: you don’t have to have it all figured out. You just need to show up—imperfect, tired, joyful, and trusting. Trusting that the God who gave you this child also gave you everything you need to raise them.

To every mom reading this, whether you’re just starting out or years into the journey whether you're celebrating milestones, navigating sleepless nights, or simply figuring it all out one day at a time, know this—you are seen, you are doing enough, and you are never alone in this journey. Find your tribe. Give yourself grace. And remember—you’re not just raising a child, you’re raising a giant killer, an influencer to the influencers of the next generation. You’re shaping a life, and in the process, you might just rediscover your own.

For the moms who have walked through baby blues or postpartum depression: Hold on to hope—it does get better. Reach out, pull in people who will walk this journey with you, and don’t isolate yourself in the struggle. You’re going to be okay. The storm doesn’t last forever, and brighter days are ahead. The clouds will be lifted, and the sun will shine bright again. You will laugh till you have tears of joy and you will absolutely enjoy this beautiful journey (Psalm 55:22)

This is the kind of hope that carries you through the hardest moments. Even when everything feels overwhelming, God’s love is right there with you, whispering that you’re not alone. Let His love steady your heart and remind you that brighter days are coming because they truly are!

“And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:5 NIV)

And, if you’re a mother who has experienced pregnancy loss or is walking through the heartbreak of infertility: Your pain is valid, and your longing is seen. Trust in the Lord, for His promises are yes and Amen, and His plans for you are good. You are not forgotten, and this chapter is not the end of your story. Hold on—your rainbow is coming, in His perfect time and in His perfect way.

This season? It’s not the whole story. But it’s a sacred chapter. Embrace it, and let it shape you, as much as it shapes them.