Note: This blog is driven by personal experience and therefore only explores the female point of view. We are aware that men also face sexism in the workplace and would love to hear your point of view if you are a male victim of the same so that we may spark conversation and draw awareness to unacceptable practices.
Have you ever worked in an environment where you’ve never been more conscious that you are indeed a female? Or maybe Beyonce’s ‘If I were a boy’ became your workplace anthem? If your answer is ‘YES’, then you’ve probably experienced workplace sexism OR dare I say, a sexist boss!
What is a sexist boss?
Let’s not confuse sexism with sexual harassment. Sexual harassment, even if it is not overt, if you begin to feel uneasy, uncomfortable, or even a little bit shifty, my advice to you is RUN. No job is worth it. Comments on your clothing, and appearance, asking you to dress a certain way or stay later than the rest of the team is harassment. I once was interviewed over the phone and when I asked what my salary would be, my interviewer proceeded to ask: “Well how attractive would people say you are on a scale of 1-10?” She then asked whether I had any skin conditions or flaws, what my height and weight were, and if I had a problem with flirting. The shocker: my interviewer was female! My response to her final request of ‘please send me your full profile photos (360-degree view)’ was ‘how sexist are you on a scale of 1-10?’ Needless to say, I was not offered that job, nor was I interested.
I share this story because, at that time, I was naive enough to think that sexism was only sexual harassment and nothing else. I believed that as long as I wasn’t being harassed, everything else was normal, acceptable, and possibly even deserved. My latter years of work experience has taught me that this is not the case.
A sexist boss is one who either shows preferential treatment to your male counterparts or makes comments (even jokes) relating to your gender. This manager may undervalue you, underpay you, pass you up for promotions, and limit your growth within your company. A sexist boss can be both male and female! Workplace sexism is often subtle and oftentimes there are limited laws or HR policies to protect you. Hollywood makes a joke out of these situations making it seem like we as women should be subject to it, but the reality is, we shouldn’t!
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What does it look like?
As I mentioned earlier, workplace sexism is pretty subtle. So subtle it can be hard to flag down. Apart from the obvious pay gaps, and no promotions, here are some of the things I’ve had said to me by my bosses (coupled with what I wish I’d said to prevent your blood from boiling as much as it did mine): - Wow! Beauty and brains, your future husband is a lucky guy!
Umm, sure, because all women are either dumb or ugly. How’s your wife?
- Interviewer: Are you married? Me: Yes, I am! Interviewer: So what are your future plans?
Actually, because I am married, I plan to pop out a baby tomorrow and I just want your medical insurance
- Hey! You’re wearing red today! It looks good on you! Must be because you’re on your period huh? Ok, I know to stay in my lane today, I won’t bother you.
Oh! And while you’re at it, some chocolate and ice cream would be great too!
- Wear a nice suit tomorrow, I need you to help me close that deal.
Sure, how about you let me do the talking then?
- Are you sure you can drive?
No, some neanderthal gave me my license and I am on a mission to kill you.
- This is what we can pay you, in any case, it’s not like you have any dependents right?
Where’s the exit again?
- Sorry your salary is late this month, sales have been down and I needed to make some urgent payments. You don’t mind, do you?
Absolutely not at all! I have not worked my socks off for you, more in fact than my male counterpart who did in fact get paid. Sure, take your time. I’ll be taking interest for every day you haven’t paid me.
- My wife is waiting for me, if I don’t go now, I’ll be in the doghouse, can you stay late?
I’ll take double pay for every half hour that I stay!
- Wear a little makeup, it will make your team listen to you
Wow! I didn’t know make-up came with an extra pair of ears
- You’re wearing that?
No, I am not, you just think I am wearing that, in actual fact, I am wearing something completely different, but only the smart people can see it.
My list can go on and on, but I think you get the point. Working for a sexist manager can lower your morale, damage your confidence and stunt your career growth, so if you sense that’s where you are, you may want to do something about it.
What do I do?
Every experience is different and we all have different personality types. I personally have no problem with being confrontational, especially if I feel violated. I know that not everyone is this way though and so here are a few options for you. 1) Don’t participate or encourage
If the sexist behavior is played out as a joke or casual context, refrain from laughing or adding to the comment. This would only give them the impression that it is funny/acceptable and that you are okay with it.
2) Ask them to repeat themselves (or say it a little louder)
Most often, when they have to repeat themselves, they hear themselves back and realize that they were inappropriate. Do this a few times, and they will realize that you’re not going to let it slide.
3) Say “Just because I am a woman?” OR “do you think that’s appropriate?”
By asking this, it triggers a need for an explanation. Alternative polite questions could be “why would you assume that?” or “I’m sorry, I don’t understand, please explain.” This will most likely cause them to go into hiding or swallow their words.
4) “You’re making me uncomfortable”
Especially if you have a male boss, 9 times out of 10, this statement will send him packing. If it doesn’t, you may want to consider leaving altogether because it shows that he has no regard for you whatsoever.
5) Ask for a private conversation
If you have it in you, try bringing it to their attention and letting them know how uncomfortable they have made you feel. Use specific examples and be straight to the point. Write down pointers if you are prone to fear
6) Take it to HR
If you have already tried working it out and it is beyond what you can bear, take it to your HR and make sure you have specific examples. That is what HR is there for!
7) Know when it is time to leave
If you are really feeling uncomfortable, and undervalued and see no room for growth, it may be time for you to pack up your desk. Sexism has no place in your life and there is no time to waste on toxic managers. Every day is a day for learning, growing, and flourishing and it is on you to take charge.
Finally, before I conclude, one final warning is beware of bosses that allow sexist behaviour from clients. If you have sexist clients that make you feel uncomfortable and your boss asks you to entertain them, get out of there as fast as you can. Until then, gather your courage to stand your ground. Don’t give in to double standards, misogyny and discrimination because you are far too valuable for any of that.
Do you have any sexist manager experiences you’d like to share? Help us shed the light on this dreadful work culture!
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