As a full-time Social Media Manager and Marketing professional, it's my job to be on social media a lot of the time. I find that scrolling endlessly for hours is a very decompressing and stress-relieving thing to do. However, more often than not in my new relationship I find myself having some doubts and therefore conflict with my significant other.
Let me start by saying that my partner is the sweetest, greatest love of my life that I never thought I could have. But being in your first Christian relationship in your mid twenties can be a challenging time - there’s the uncertainty of navigating feelings, societal expectations, your church gossip, your futures, and intertwining your spiritual lives in a way that you can work together. And one of the biggest learning experiences for me lately is that I occasionally find myself questioning my relationship when I look at others’ relationships.
Comparison has already been a sticky issue for me. I compare myself to others, consciously or subconsciously all the time. But lately, I am on a journey of comparing myself less, but I have found that I compare my relationship to others more than I even realise. From time to time, I would look at couples’ weddings on Instagram (because for some reason my Instagram algorithm thinks I’m getting married and keeps sending me wedding content, even though I’ve only been in my current relationship for a couple months) and see how lavishly and beautifully it was done, and feel a bit disappointed because I know that I am nowhere close to having enough money to spend on a big and beautiful wedding. Furthermore, I would look at posts about Christian dating and they would often have sound advice, but they would end up sounding a bit judgemental and I would use their judgement to judge my own relationship, look at areas where both myself and my partner fell short and suddenly before I knew it - I was comparing myself, and feeling discontent. Rather than enjoying my relationship for it’s beauty and uniqueness, I was constantly wondering ‘What's missing?’ and ‘Why does that couple seem to have something that I don’t have?’ and that would often lead to overthinking, unnecessary anxiety and eventually conflict.
I sometimes fail to appreciate my relationship for what it is, because social media will always show you that there is something better than you have. Whether that's a bigger wedding, a spiritually stronger couple, more money, better looks, whatever it is - the more you spend time on social media, the less you will feel content with the person you’re with - especially if you’re a person who deals with insecurities and discontentment often.
So what’s the solution here? Do we stop using social media? Practically, that may not be a good solution. But perhaps consider how much time you’re spending on social media, and limit your usage. You’ll find that Instagram overpersonalises your user experience, so if you’re in a relationship, the platform will keep sending you relationship content because, somehow, Instagram seems to know everything. They’ll send you couples podcasts, couples posts, couples reels, etc. and the natural inclination can be to compare and want something you don’t have. So limit your use of social media before it destroys your sense of relationship sufficiency. Don’t allow social media to rob the joy in your relationship.
Consider who you’re following and try and turn off notifications for posts you keep seeing. If you’re following a lot of couple bloggers, it may be time for you to mute them or tell Instagram that you’re not interested in seeing some posts. Its time to take charge of your social media usage experience, not just allow yourself to consume whatever content social media has to offer.
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