Tired of being the pushover? I am, too.
For all my life, I’ve tried to be nice and considerate to what others are going through. In school, I tried to be involved in areas of interest. In church, I entered groups and teams when they asked me to because I knew they needed the help and then at work, I took on everything I could. But I made sure to never over-commit. I’ve always been the kind of person who only commits to doing something if she’s at least 95% sure she can do it.
I don’t like to flake out on things. So I end up saying ‘no’ more often than not. And people love to make me feel guilty for it.
I like to commit to one or two things and give them my all. I don’t like to bite off more than I can chew. Because I never want to be accused of saying, ‘You said you’d do this and now you’re backing out?’
I am far from perfect, though. I sometimes do take on a lot, especially at my work, where I agree to everything because I want to keep a good rapport, a good reputation, and eventually keep my job of course. But that does lead to extreme mental and physical exhaustion. We're not meant to work like slaves, just because we can't say 'no'.
Exercise your assertiveness by saying 'no' and stand your ground when there's good reason to. If you'd just like to be alone on a Friday night, don't feel bad about it. It's better to decline an invitation than to go out and feel miserable because you weren't socially ready for it.
In my opinion, doing a few things at 80-90% is better than saying 'yes' to everything and giving 20%, because you just don't have the capacity.
When people say they don't have the time, I often wonder what they're prioritizing. What is it that they just can't or don't want to say no to? For the most part, everyone can have the time. It just depends on where their priorities lie.
Don't be afraid to say no and be selfish sometimes.
Don't be afraid to say no and choose how and what you spend your time on.
Don't be afraid to say no, so that you stop being the pushover.
Let's create a safe space where people are real about what they do and don't want to do, and never feel shamed for it.
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