Let me tell you straight up. This article is like me venting to an anonymous audience. It's me sharing the expectations, the disappointments, and the bitter realizations I’ve faced as a young adult. If you can relate to the struggles here or you’re going through something similar, I want you to know that you’re not alone. I’d also like to offer some advice that will help you identify what’s causing you to feel stuck, and help you get unstuck.
What am I stuck in?
Ever since I was little, I had this idea of what my life would turn out to be like. I had discovered my calling; I had discovered myself. I knew music was it for me. I didn’t even have to go through all the bases like most people have to do. Like puzzle pieces, trying to find the space where they fit. I fell right into place from the very beginning. I knew this was it for me. The perfect life was all laid out in front of me. All I had to do was go ahead and live it. Do my best and achieve my dreams and actualize myself. Easy enough, right? Not even close.
I went through my whole life thinking the hardest part was finding what I was here to do – finding my true purpose – and that it was behind me. Nothing prepared me for what the rest of my life would be like. A perpetual dilemma of “ok I know what I have to do. Now what?” I discovered my one true purpose in life and now it’s on the wayside in this journey of life as I’m rapidly going past it.
I graduated with a marketing degree, which has landed me a pretty decent job that pays me better than any other job possibly could in this city for what I am, and I’m already pursuing a bigger career in data science that is undoubtedly being discovered as a gold mine. I am practically sitting on a treasure chest. I should be set for life. Yet, I’m not.
My ideal life was not being another run-of-the-mill, dispensable, expendable, replaceable average Joe whose entire life was just corporate slavery. A life like that seemed so grayscale to me. I wanted my life to be colorful – not to fit in with the world but to stand out and make my own way.
I identified early on who I wanted to be, but had no way of getting there. And that’s where I began to feel stuck.
It's important to identify what the areas are in your life that is causing you to feel stuck.
Is it dissatisfaction with your job?
Is it a prolonged season of singleness?
Is it a goal you haven’t yet achieved?
Look at the timeline you’ve set out for your life, and try to work out what’s causing your dissatisfaction.
Why am I stuck?
So, we’ve established that I feel like I’m stuck in a rut. Like my life as I’m living right now has no purpose. Of course, in the capitalist world we live in, there’s not a lot of room to go off the beaten path and blaze your own trail when you’re measured by how much you’re worth.
Especially for an ordinary South Asian, subcontinental kid like myself, there are only so many avenues to explore – medicine, engineering, law, commerce. You’re lucky if one of those lanes is where you find your true purpose and calling. If I had discovered that my calling was enriching the lives of people by dedicating mine to tending to their medical needs, I would be killing it in life right now. My parents would be thrilled – they had always wanted me to be a doctor (not because it’s a noble, selfless profession, no no no. Because of the bragging right and the paycheque.). Instead, I found my calling in music.
My loneliness has been my biggest hindrance in pursuing my music because I don’t have a circle of friends who indulge themselves in and express themselves through their art, especially music. Every time I write a verse, compose a beat or record a song, I have no one to share it with except for a couple of friends who will not tell me what I’m doing wrong, or if I’m doing something wrong. They would just be too impressed that one of their friends makes music that’s a little above amateur standard. I don’t hang with a crowd that understands what I’m going for with a particular sound or a line. No one to understand my wordplay or lyrical complexities without me having to explain them.
So, in a nutshell, the reason I feel stuck sometimes is because I’m on my own. I don’t have a support system to get me through. Apart from one best friend, who cares about me more than every other person in my life combined, I have no one else I can rely on to help me through.
Malcolm Gladwell, an absolute genius, one of my favorite authors, said in his book Outliers - The Story of Success: “No one – not rockstars, not professional athletes, not software billionaires, and not even geniuses – ever makes it alone.” That hits too close to home.
Some reasons why you may be feeling stuck:
1. Cultural or societal expectations:
Could there be some expectations you feel you have to live up to, based on what is deemed socially acceptable?
Perhaps society tells you that as a functioning adult man, you shouldn’t be living with your parents. And you’re in your 30s, feeling incredibly disheartened, living with your parents, and hating that you can’t afford your independence.
Just remember: you are in control of your life. Don’t buy into the social or cultural expectations and timelines others have set out for your own life, the way you live your life is entirely up to you, it's up to you to decide if you are content with the way things are. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise. This applies to pressure from family as well.
Maybe you’re not actually stuck, but you’ve bought into the lies that you are.
2. Lack of a proper support system
If you’re struggling to find friends of similar interests, actively seek them out. Try networking apps, pen-pals, etc. you need to prioritize your desire for companionship. Take active steps to have a reliable social circle.
3. Dissatisfaction with your career path
Take time out to keep your hobbies and passions alive. Don’t allow corporate slavery to suck the joy out of your life. You may make it big or you may not, but that shouldn’t stop you from experiencing life to the fullest without the pressure of having to make your dreams come true. And even if they don’t, it doesn’t take away from your success right now. Appreciate yourself for getting to where you’ve got, and allow yourself to thrive in the knowledge that you’re an incredibly hard worker and terrific employee.
4. Lack of finances
This is a big one. Often people have goals but don’t have the means to get there. Maybe you’d like to study further, but cannot afford the tuition fees or perhaps you’d like to migrate but don’t have the funds.
The best thing we would advise you to do here is to rob a bank.
But if that doesn’t work, here’s what else you can do:
Identify if your goal is financially attainable and how long it will take you to afford it and then make a plan, working out how much savings you’ll need each month
Find creative ways to make quick cash (freelancing, part-time work, etc.)
Request support if you need to
5. Inability to change your surroundings
You might have figured out that it's your current location or circumstances that are causing you to feel unsatisfied.
If moving is not a feasible option for you right now, try and make the most of where you are. Start a new club, create a new online community and try to find people who love or hate the same things you do. It may not change your circumstances, but it will help finding like-minded people who equally hate the place they’re in.
6. A loss of hope for the future
Our thoughts have the power to send us in the direction we want to head or keep us pinned in one place. Negative thoughts, in particular, can be very influential, and they can conjure up a world of emotions such as sadness, anxiety, and unworthiness. It's hard to move forward when grappling with these negative thoughts and feelings.
It's important to realize that sometimes our feeling of being stuck can be a result of something internally or externally. Whether that’s the external judgment or internal hyper-criticism.
How to get out of feeling stuck
Identify what you want - Sometimes the feeling of being stuck can be incredibly vague when something doesn’t feel “right”. Try to get very clear with what you want and write down your goals. If you’re a visual person, create a vision board of what matters to you and what you want. Highlight the things that you value and that gives you enjoyment, and take active steps to achieve your desires.
Change your perspective - Change your inner voice and perspective to be more flexible and look at different angles to assess your situation. Ask yourself what advice your future self would give you.
Identify an aspect of your life where you do feel in control and then do something about it. You cannot be stuck and in motion at the same time. So doing anything with choice reminds you of your ability to get unstuck.
Choose self-care - You are responsible for your wellbeing, try to avoid pushing yourself to the extent of burnout. Do something that reminds you of your importance, and acts as a stress-reliever.
Some suggestions for self-care:
Gratitude journals
Meditation
A few hours of pure and focused entertainment
For those of you who are feeling this way, I can empathize as someone who’s felt this way for a long time. I’m also committed to the process of doing the inner work to feel more content. I encourage you to do the same.
Comments