Theres a quote by Jill Churchill that says:
"There's no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a great one"
16 months ago, before I welcomed my firstborn, I read this quote and smiled. In my head I had lists, plans, schedules and all kinds of ideas of how I'd raise my baby. I had my dos and don't dos, my list of non compromisables and parenting strategies I just knew I wanted to adopt.
As a new mom, wanting to be prepared, I read all the books and blogs possible and had hours of conversations with my doting husband on how we'd approach parenthood. You know where I'm going with this right?
Well, as you can guess, they all went out the window! How naive of me.
My delivery was an unexpected emergency, post delivery; complications kept me from holding her, changing or feeding her. Once I came home I was still so much more dependent than I wanted to be. Right from the first moment, nothing went as planned.
16 months ago, I was a perfectionist - now I am not! And guess what? I'm grateful! *Shocker*
I spent the first few weeks and months beating myself up for not being 'up to the mark'. I constantly felt inadequate, unworthy and unfit to be her mom. My house was messy, hair unbrushed, fridge full of old food and laundry up to my neck. Other moms make it look so easy, so why couldn't I?.
My little girl, tiny as she is, has taught me that it's okay to loosen the reigns. One day, I'd been so busy trying to keep it all together, that my then 3 month old refused to be put down, even for a minute. I was tired, frustrated and fully worn out. It was a while before I realised that was her way of saying 'mom, I just need you'.
To her, I was beyond adequate. To her, I was worthy. To her I was enough.
Coming to this realisation and acceptance has humbled me. It's taught me to embrace the mess, accept the unchecked boxes and live spontaneously. It's made me a better mom-one who's focus is being present and available verses caught up in motherhoods conundrums. Now, if she plays in the dirt, so do I! We get wet, we run out into the rain (even if we'll catch a cold), we roll around in a pile of laundry and we aren't afraid to make a noise.
Now don't get me wrong, in no way am I implying that the opposite is wrong. If you're the perfectionist mom that actually cracked it and is able to make your plans come to fruition, I tip my hat to you. I respect you. Maybe one day I'll be you.
For today though, you can expect toys on the floor, and laundry unfolded. You can also expect to see me revel in my daughter's snuggles. These days won't last, so I'll enjoy it while I can! I thank God there's no way to be a perfect mom - I'd be trying to hit the mark constantly; but I know I can be a great mom and that, for me is enough!
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